I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
