This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
