I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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