Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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