Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
