Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
