Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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