2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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