sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
