Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
