hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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