My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
