Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
