suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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