dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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