i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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