she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
