If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
