its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
