McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
