you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
