Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
