This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize