Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
