shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
