My room smells like vodka and shame
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
