My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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