OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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