She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
