Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I AM VODKA MAN
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize