I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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