I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
