rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
