why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
