East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
