I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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