i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Someone shattered a urinal.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
