What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
