so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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