I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
