just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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