i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
