Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
