In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
