i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
