drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
