i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
