Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
