Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
