brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
