you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
