this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize