My first STD was from a foam party
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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