I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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