you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
