This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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