Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
