I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
