i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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