I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
