pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
