i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
