you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
