After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
