I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
