so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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