guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
