I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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