I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
