you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
