Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
