I'm going to jail i love you
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
