he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
