Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
