you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
