i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
