Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
