She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
