I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize