the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
