I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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