I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
