Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
