Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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