just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You ruined the universe
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
