I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
