After last night, I could never be a politician.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize