Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
