I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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