Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
